Recovering..

i guess what it takes is just time?

Funny how i read and understood and listened to pple's problems offering solutions and things to do but here i am still brooding over the entire thingy and being so affected by everything.. The empty feeling is still there.. the missing feeling is still there.. and it is never gonna go away.. time heals the pain tho.. and i will keep in mind what i said to someone that we encounter and experience memories and people in the different phases of our lives to learn and grow to become really ready to love and cherish the One when we meet her.. with that, i will really do my best to sincerely wish her happiness in everything from now on.. :)

More to come tml or sat as i'll be singing in a concert and goinf back to hall for two friends' bithdays!! hehe.. this blog shall be decorated with pics by then.. haha! 

Love, Nat

PS: thanks for all e encouraging msgs and smses.. it really made me feel loved.. and not forget how much other people love and care of me out there.. as i do for all of u as well.. thanks! :)

Emo..

Well.. exams are finally over.. i have had one week of enjoyment already.. and am feeling recharged and happy..

But for some reason the past 3 days had been spent thinking abt someone.. i neva felt this way for a long long time already.. and it as made me gone all emo and stuff.. i feel really down.. like my heart is be squished anytime and all.. i haven't felt this way for a long long time.. since maybe two years back.. its really pain.. unbearable..

She played a very impt role in my life ever since i knew her back in late 2006.. she was always encouraging and smiling and giving me the strength to do whatever i felt was impossible.. she gave me light when i saw darkness, she gave me hope when i felt down.. she did things for me that touched the inner most part of my heart and made me feel very loved.. She was shy, but to the point of cute and adorable.. :)

For some DAMN BLOODY IDIOTIC STUPID reason, i chose to leave her.. to leave all that she given to me behind.. if i were to live life again, i would choose to make the decision to stay with her and not put her thru so much pain and despair.. this period was particularly trying for her.. she was heartbroken but yet, she stood strong and brave and faced the challenges..

Then as fate has it, we returned to each other's side after a period of time.. This period that we were together, was one of the happiest times of my life.. yes, we had our differences and our arguments but afterall this was what made it interesting.. it made me feel complete, it made me feel wholesome..

But... i guess i neva made her felt that way.. she had to put up with alot of stuff.. alot of difficulties and things.. which i always insisted upon.. every moment was hard for her.. all of which was my fault and my own stubborness.. in btw, we had many happy memories and moments together.. but at the end of it, although i had really tried my best, i knew i was never going to be the one for her.. i admit that i'm a male chauvinist and alot of things that had to do with caring for her.. actions which showed the feelings in my heart, i failed to display and do them.. i guess as a gal, that's e last thing u would wan from someone u love..

Eventually we went our separate ways and recently i heard she has someone new in her heart.. i felt really depressed and sad.. because perhaps i was under this illusion that we might somehow still have a chance and all.. but that only proved to be one sided.. we communicated and i'm happy she gave me straight answers, to the point, which plainly stated for me to move on and pursue the goals in my life.. to be focused on my aims and do my best in life..

This issue had been on my mind the past few weeks as i keeping thinking back abt us.. abt me and her.. and hence this depressing mood.. i haven't really accepted what she said.. but i guess there's juz no other way ard it.. she's a great gal which had given me more than what i could have asked for.. for e 2nd time in my life, i felt really loved.. really cared for.. and that was very special..

As i'm trying my best to let everything sink it.. to get over and move on, i guess the first step is to really reveal my feelings.. which i have in this blog.. and also sincerely wish her all e best..

To that special person: There are alot of things i wish to say to u.. and i hope that i could say it in person.. Which i will when i see u.. But what really is in my heart now is exactly what u wish for me too.. it is to do ur best in ur work and studies.. ur dance stuff and to always have ur best friends by ur side.. i wish for u to be happy always and never let urself get hurt emotionally like when u were with me.. go out there and experience life to its fullest.. Aim for ur goals and achieve them.. i hope u and ur family will also continue to have strong bonds and love amongst urselves.. i wish u the very very best in all that u do..

You'll be in my heart always and i want u to know, i will always be there for u as well.. i failed to do so when i was with u, but i hope to do it as friends..

i'll miss u.. alot..

Love, Nat

The last battle draws near..

haha.. oh ya pamela.. i forgot to say good luck for ur exams too! stats and econs remaining.. haha.. yes! i chose my specialisation already - Banking & Finance!!! haha.. U JIA YOU AR!

Orange - thanks for ur tags.. i will.. congrats to u too for successfully coming into NTU! Biological sciences huh..can see a future research scientist in u.. Jia you!!

Jean! - Thanks for leaving the tags, testimonial and comments on my posts too... haha.. yea.. its good to hear from u too.. i will try my best to continue to update all my online profiles de.. also cause i think i kinda need it to connect to my friends and know new people! u jia you for ur new sch semester! 

well.. its the last day b4 i will enter into the examination hall for my Yr 1's last exam paper!! its drawing near and i can feel it sia.. damn scared.. i feel like i have not prepared enough even tho this was the first subject i started revising... cause as the other papers came, i began to focus on them and completely forgot FM.. haha.. so i only began like last weekend.. YIKES..

I WANNA DO WELL FOR FM - MY STAIRWAY TO BnF... argh.. muz chiong liao.. after that, its HAPPY.. Sha la la.. haha.. K box, movie, pubs, tennis, gym, piano... hahaha.. super shiok! 

BUT.. for now.. have to still keep doing my fm past year papers.. haha.. wish me luck!! 

back to Chionging!! :)

Nat

PS: this blog is gettin abit too wordy.. i guess i shall post up some pics as soon as the exams are over! :)

BIZ LAW BOMBED!

yuyu muz be pamela right! I forgot to mention u!.. although we are different classes and all.. u're like e sweetest gal-friend i've met in NTU! haha.. thanks for everything!! Yea.. u do realise that that tag did not help much as it was 2 hrs!! oops! hahah.. thanx tho..

btw.. i BOMBED biz law to e max sia.. totally.. left 30 marks blank.. how's that for wanting to do well this sem.. FRAK! i think i kinda took too much time to answer qn 1.. like i kept telling myself.. be discipline, once hit the time, move on.. but cannot leh!! i dunno why the hell i can't write fast... ARGH.. SUX LA.. 

then when we carried out the usual answer comparison process.. mine seemed to be way of line with the others... haiz... guess i can't expect too much from biz law already la.. HUGE BOMB there.. cui.. totally depressed..

but still wanna say thanx to Xinhe.. sorry if  i wasted ur time bro.. haha.. u spent the whole friday explaining to me but now this.. haha.. thanx for ur constant encouragement too.. i will put this behind and then try my best for FM ba.. haha.. muz ar.. if not bnf also fly away!!

Well.. talked to Theodor this morning.. haven't seen him for quite some time so i was glad he called... this boy is obsessed with getting a new tv and also scolding pple if they dun reply him after they post their offers... haha.. Chill bro.. their loss if they dun buy the things u are offering at such a low price... haha.. once my exams are over, bro.. we'll tennis everyday sia!!.. school's starting for theo as well.. so juz wanna say GOOD LUCK! do well this sem..

Sis also msged me yesterday.. haha.. at elast she's not forgetting that there's still a bro here.. she ar.. preoccupied with her new job at Sumimoto (or wateva u call it).. haha.. VP sia.. kudos.. u know u're my idol right sis.. haha.. i wanna achieve as much as u... take care dun overwork.. exercise and spend more time with e family!.. haha..

sianz.. i'm gonna watch my prince of tennis then study bnf!! ChiONG AR LAST PAPER!

after that its enjoyment!!

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Nat

Ok.. This blog will be revived soon..

hmm.. since the last post on Nov 28th.. alot of things have changed.. both around me, in my life and all.. too many things to write also..

well.. i'm in the midst of exams now.. i'm feeling really depressed reading my biz law notes so i decided to post all that frustration in here.. haha.. i guess the constant assignments, projects and exams is gonna be a routine for me from since i entered uni.. but as many put it, its ur perception of the things in front of u, how u make it up to be that determines what role it plays in ur life.. haha!.. so yea.. i better stop having such a negative mindset and keep what i juz wrote in my mind..

Well.. certain goods things have certainly come out of uni.. First, i have formed my own official band.. its called Brown Shoe Electric.. if u guys go to myspace, or youtube and search "Llawder" or "Brown Shoe Electric", u'll find videos of our many performances there.. this crazy band of mine has high hopes and aspirations to produce really nice music and we have also churned out our first ever original.. so more to come pple.. more to come.. Will give them a grand intro here in the next few posts..

I've managed to successfully entered into one of the most highly sought after courses/minor in NTU.. Minor in Entrepreneurship! Those of u who know me well.. i'm sure u know i have biz mindset in me since i was like 7 yrs old.. to finally learn this "way of life' through a proven structured course by professionals in a place like NTU is a dream come true.. i hope to gain insights of it in the ourse and hopefully in the near future put the skills into use.. *grinz*

I also took up a new sport and am officially crazy abt it!! TENNIS!! haha.. i'm loving every moment of it.. when i step into the court.. tennis juz rawks my socks off.. haha.. its like such a satisfying experience everytime i manage to hit a nice forehand, double backhand etc.. yes.. it seems very easy to do so.. but its e whole sport that juz makes me happy..

There are of course alot of other things that have made me grow wiser, more mature in uni.. Having finally moving away from all e shows and mediacorp and all really makes me happy.. alot more private space and time to do my own stuff.. i'm really enjoying life as it is, every moment, every day.. well.. in terms of girls, there hasn't been any sparks as well.. partly also because i haven't taken any specific actions.. having learnt from my past lessons and experience, it is better to juz stay out of all these.. and juz have fun abt and in life and not waste ur time on such things..  only regret is to that special person.. who have left me already.. i kinda still feel i owe her so much and all e sadness and disappointment i have caused to her still neva fail to ring back nostalgic but also nice memories of us.. haha.. oh well....

As mentioned, there are still so many things to say.. but i guess the most impt was actually knowing really good friends in uni.. made ALOT of new friends and pple who juz totally rox... u all mean alot to me! especially (no order of merit) himbo friend - Xinhe, classmates - Kian Tiong, Eric, Alex, Roy, Marianne, Amelia, TX, Piak, Yuk, Eeleng.. some of those that i really mix ard with.. my bandmates - kenyee, derek, hans, chongeu, isabelle.. hall mates - leon, the whole of pple down that corridor, ah long, the gals (too many oops).. haha.. yea.. thanks for everything pple.. u guys rox.. of course there have been pple whom i have bad vibes with too.. i've learnt how to deal with such pple.. that's another sign of maturity.. haha.. juz relly happy to have met u guys..

well to reply to the tags: 

derek: bro.. how can forget u! haha.. sure.. u dun gan chiong, once the exams are over, i'll come over to ur place and whack ur ass in foosball! haha.. can hang out juz relax only.. with jose and all too! haha..

charmaine: Thanks.. NJC's crowd was superb! u guys were really great giving us ur support like that.. we love to go back anytime.. see u soon hopefully! :)

The rest: yea.. this blog is back (i hope) hahaah.. will continue to update..

Troublemakers: i'm okie with u guys posting crap.. but juz no vulgarities and any trash talk directed to my family or anything.. thanx..

OH YA!! once the exams are over.. finally gonna be free and do what i really hve to do!!

That is to:

1. GYM.. too skinny for God's sake.. i better pump some iron and put the muscles where they matter.. haha

2. Piano.. get my act to fulfill my dream!!

3. Drums and Bass... be the backup instrumental person for my band.. haha..

4. Tennis - gonna play at least thrice a week..

5. BALI - fulfill the long-awaited trip with Jeff and Jeremy to go there and drink ourselves drunk!

6. DO MY BEST for the entrepreneurship course...

7. MOST IMPTLY - spend time with my family.. i juz love them so much.. :)

Well.. gonna go back to my notes.. wish me luck.. good luck to everyone out there who's gonna take exams too.. 

THIS BLOG IS BACK!

Nat 

Exams OVER!!!

Hey Yo!

Finally! Exams are over!! haha.. these days seem like heaven.. every morning i awake, golden rays of sunlight seem to shine into my room, lighting up the horizon.. Aww.. EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

Haha.. wa.. super drama but this is exactly how i feel.. in such a shot span of time, my 1st semester at NTU Biz is over.. seemed like juz yesterday when i stepped into NTU for my first day.. NTU is cool and really fun.. my hall neighbours and i had a smashing time together and i can only look forward to seeing them again in sem 2! Two regrets however - 1. i did not join FOC or hall's FOC (Freshmen Orientation Camp) where i would get to know people.. That's my only regret as many of them seem to be so in sync together whereas those who didn't go for FOC would take more time to get to know people.. 2. I did not join any CCA!!! I was way too active in JC so i tot i would join smth less demanding like a sport in uni.. But my lazy fat ass couldn't get off my bed to join any.. ended up having none so again not knowing people.. grr!!

But still it has been a fantastic expeience and i'm definitely looking forward to sem 2! My results this sem also would not be fantastic.. i know i would be able to pass all, but perhaps juz averagely.. :( Buck up next sem!

Currently slacking my ass off.. playing Football Manager and guitar every single day.. Stupid recording device at home is running into some probs so i can't do anything with it too.. I guess my christmas pressie for myself would be a USB keyboard!! so i can plug into my com and do my own demos for some songs i compose.. obviously they aren't good but its for leisure and i enjoy playing ard with it..

Hopefully once i do so, i can place it up on my blog and maybe u all can give me ur comments and rating for them ya??

Hmm.. will also be having an event at 8th Dec at IMM at 5.30pm! Singing some songs for a competition.. so hopefully i can see some of u guys there.. Other than that, i'll be busy with Spop and a new secret project.. haha.. will tell u all soon! Love u all so much and i hope to met up with some of u guys really soon!

Back to my games and slacking!! :)

<3 <3 <3

Love, Nat

EXAMS - :(

Two down.. two more to go..

Organisational Behavior and Economics is over.. But i think i will do badly for them... argh!! Left about 20 marks blank in each paper... argh!! Why was i so slack and unmotivated this semester?? Can only sigh and feel dismay but grades won't get any better...

STATS the killer is coming on thursday.. i juz wanna scrap thru stats and do my best for marketing and then it'll be over.. Resolution is to chiong all e way next semester.. put in the very best that i have and hopefully pull up my GPA from there.. :(

Hope everyone of u out there now are studying and doing ur best for the best! Chiong ar! Those holidays, hang in there, i'm coming for e hols too! haha.. thurs and it'll be all over!

Viola! Ciaoz..

Love, Nat