Emo..

Well.. exams are finally over.. i have had one week of enjoyment already.. and am feeling recharged and happy..

But for some reason the past 3 days had been spent thinking abt someone.. i neva felt this way for a long long time already.. and it as made me gone all emo and stuff.. i feel really down.. like my heart is be squished anytime and all.. i haven't felt this way for a long long time.. since maybe two years back.. its really pain.. unbearable..

She played a very impt role in my life ever since i knew her back in late 2006.. she was always encouraging and smiling and giving me the strength to do whatever i felt was impossible.. she gave me light when i saw darkness, she gave me hope when i felt down.. she did things for me that touched the inner most part of my heart and made me feel very loved.. She was shy, but to the point of cute and adorable.. :)

For some DAMN BLOODY IDIOTIC STUPID reason, i chose to leave her.. to leave all that she given to me behind.. if i were to live life again, i would choose to make the decision to stay with her and not put her thru so much pain and despair.. this period was particularly trying for her.. she was heartbroken but yet, she stood strong and brave and faced the challenges..

Then as fate has it, we returned to each other's side after a period of time.. This period that we were together, was one of the happiest times of my life.. yes, we had our differences and our arguments but afterall this was what made it interesting.. it made me feel complete, it made me feel wholesome..

But... i guess i neva made her felt that way.. she had to put up with alot of stuff.. alot of difficulties and things.. which i always insisted upon.. every moment was hard for her.. all of which was my fault and my own stubborness.. in btw, we had many happy memories and moments together.. but at the end of it, although i had really tried my best, i knew i was never going to be the one for her.. i admit that i'm a male chauvinist and alot of things that had to do with caring for her.. actions which showed the feelings in my heart, i failed to display and do them.. i guess as a gal, that's e last thing u would wan from someone u love..

Eventually we went our separate ways and recently i heard she has someone new in her heart.. i felt really depressed and sad.. because perhaps i was under this illusion that we might somehow still have a chance and all.. but that only proved to be one sided.. we communicated and i'm happy she gave me straight answers, to the point, which plainly stated for me to move on and pursue the goals in my life.. to be focused on my aims and do my best in life..

This issue had been on my mind the past few weeks as i keeping thinking back abt us.. abt me and her.. and hence this depressing mood.. i haven't really accepted what she said.. but i guess there's juz no other way ard it.. she's a great gal which had given me more than what i could have asked for.. for e 2nd time in my life, i felt really loved.. really cared for.. and that was very special..

As i'm trying my best to let everything sink it.. to get over and move on, i guess the first step is to really reveal my feelings.. which i have in this blog.. and also sincerely wish her all e best..

To that special person: There are alot of things i wish to say to u.. and i hope that i could say it in person.. Which i will when i see u.. But what really is in my heart now is exactly what u wish for me too.. it is to do ur best in ur work and studies.. ur dance stuff and to always have ur best friends by ur side.. i wish for u to be happy always and never let urself get hurt emotionally like when u were with me.. go out there and experience life to its fullest.. Aim for ur goals and achieve them.. i hope u and ur family will also continue to have strong bonds and love amongst urselves.. i wish u the very very best in all that u do..

You'll be in my heart always and i want u to know, i will always be there for u as well.. i failed to do so when i was with u, but i hope to do it as friends..

i'll miss u.. alot..

Love, Nat